The First Rule of House Club…

Selling your house sucks seventy times seven. A lot. Here are some things you should know about selling your house in the modern era, in the event that you want to do such things…

1. The first rule of House Club is never talk about House Club. I love social media. I’m pretty sure if I didn’t log in to Facebook tomorrow Mark Zuckerberg would send someone to find me and ask what’s wrong. The day before our house went on the market, I got a talking to by my realtor. Don’t post anything, she said. You can share that you’re selling it in case you have friends who are interested, or even friends of friends. Once you post that you’re selling it, that’s it. Never speak of it again. She doesn’t even know how I roll online.  But what that means is that I can’t post that there are showings. Lots of damn showings. Every day. Sometimes I can’t go home for 6-7 hours. This sucks, especially when one works at home. +10 for having 2 dogs that have to go with me. Luckily they are crate trained and relatively chill little beasties. But I can’t post about that. Because if there are lots of showings and no offers, are people going to assume that something is wrong with it? What if you get an offer and it falls through? So NO POSTING. That being said, you’re reading this because we’ve closed and the house is officially sold. As I’m writing this (April 24) we haven’t yet had an offer. As I’m updating it (April 26) we have, we countered, it was accepted! But you’re not reading this until June when we’re closing.
2. Don’t take things personally. If your realtor is like mine, she’s going to share with you almost everything any of the other agents share about the house. When you were looking for a house, did you buy the first one you saw? (If you did, and you love it, good for you.) You probably didn’t. And when you didn’t make an offer on a house, you weren’t rejecting the owners or the style- it just wasn’t the right fit for you. That’s true of people looking at your house. It’s just not the right fit for them. It can be really frustrating when they say things like “don’t like the floors” when you spent 2 weeks putting in new flooring, or “too many updates to make” when you’ve spent the last 4 years updating the house. But don’t take it personally if your house shows 18 times and you don’t get an offer. It might be the 19th that wins them over. We showed ours 21 times in 9 days. It was showing #18 that made an offer.
3. You need a go bag. Find a tote bag that you like, because you’re going to carry it everywhere for a while. In my go bag right now: a Kind bar, my knitting project, a power cord for my computer, one for my phone, work papers, iPad, lip balm, head phones and my purse. (please note: I have not done anything on the knitting project because who has the time? Showing your house is a full time job.) Keep it relatively neat, because you’re going to want to find those things in a hurry when you need them. The bag is big enough to fit my purse because who needs 1 more thing to carry?
4. If you have kids, pets, or both, they need a go bag, too. Snacks, a book, things to do for the kids. For dogs, treats, poop baggies, and things for them to chew on while they’re stuck in your car waiting for the potential buyers to go away.
5. If you have kids, find all the places where kids eat free on certain nights. You will never eat at home again. I could probably eat pizza every night, but occasionally one needs vegetables. In the past 10 nights we have eaten at home exactly 1 time.
6. Speaking of restaurants, find one that has free WiFi and doesn’t mind if you camp out for a while. Some places get busy at lunch and want you to GTFO. Panera is good in the morning, but their WiFi slows to a crawl around 11:30. And then they kick you off after a half hour. Chick Fil A very specifically tells you not to work there at lunch time via a little card they leave on the table. Local bagel shop lets me stay and they have good sandwiches. Take all my money, Mr. J’s.
7. Go room by room when you’re getting ready to leave. It’s a lot easier to walk into a room, make sure it’s clean, dusted, curtains open, bed made, lights on  and then move on to the next room. If you try to make all the beds first, then open all the curtains, and whatever- it’s just maddening. Don’t do it.
8. Opposite of the go bag: have a stay basket. The stay basket should have your fresh towels to hang up, plates & cloth napkins if you’re doing the table setting thing, swiffer duster for the last minute sweep, packet of cleaning wipes to give the counters a once over. That way you’re not running around frantically looking for those things. Like I’ve done many, many times.
9. Plan to spend more money than you expect. You had to leave to show the house. You packed everything for yourself and dogs. You’ve even been packing lunches. But today it’s raining and you’re not sitting outside under a picnic shelter in the rain. You have to buy lunch somewhere. Or maybe you go to workout when the house is showing and realize you have no ponytail holders. So you can either stress yourself out and never make a mistake, or you can throw money at it and make it go away.
10. Have a pre-planned pick up spot if your kids ride the bus. Sometimes showings are scheduled when your kids get off the bus. Tell them to look for your car just down the street. We also have a “sign” – if the garage door is closed, that means you should try to find mom or dad in the car.

Those  are my tricks that helped me keep my sanity for the 10 days that we showed our house. Now it’s sold, hooray!