The Struggle With Stuff

Internet,

If you only know me from this blog, you don’t know that I’m moving. Well, I’m moving. My husband’s job hasn’t been a good fit for him and so he’s cast his net afield. In his particular profession, the jobs are few and far between- emphasis on the far between- so we have put our house on the market.

As someone who is looking at her 8th address in 15 years… and possibly her 4th state, you might think I am an expert at this moving thing.

Dear Reader, I am not. I freak out about it as much as the next person. I have a few tricks that I like to employ, and I have learned via failure of the ones not to employ.

Good trick: use clothes to pad fragile things- it’s like bubble wrap, but you don’t throw it away.

Bad trick: do NOT use shredded paper to pad fragile things. When you first shred it, it’s all fluffy. After sitting in a box, it gets compacted and does not so much do the job you intended. And it’s MESSY.

You may also think that I am good at minimizing what I move, since moving is a lot of work and the less you carry, the less taxing it is.

Again, Dear Reader, I am not. I have tons of crap. I have gotten rid of tons of crap. Our trash service started charging us more in the past month because we’re throwing away too much crap.

I’ve become a bit obsessed with getting rid of stuff. Someday I want to live in a small house. Not tiny, just really small. I want to have less stuff holding me down and more freedom to have what I need and nothing more. Our society is obsessed with that- just google “declutter” and there’s books and services and websites all dedicated to helping us get rid of stuff.

I realized, in a moment of angsty self-reflection, why it is exactly I just can’t give some things up even though I want to minimize the material items I hold… because of the nature of impermanence. We hold on to things that indicate who we want to be. We get rid of what we don’t want to be.

A few years ago, I lost some weight. And as soon as I shrunk out of an item of clothing, I got rid of it. I didn’t want to be that person anymore. I didn’t keep a lot of “skinny” clothes- except for 2 formal dresses for some reason. And now I’ve shrunk even smaller than those dresses, but I still don’t want to get rid of them because who knows when you’ll need a formal dress? I know exactly when: never.

I keep the binders of notes from classes I no longer teach because I enjoyed teaching them. I want to remember the person I was when I was teaching those classes. I loved those kids and I miss them. I keep books I haven’t read – maybe will never read? – because I want to be the kind of person who reads them. I keep books I want my kids to read because I want them to be the kind of people who read them and I want to be the kind of mom who gives them the key to the amazing worlds that can open up when you read them.

But books are heavy and libraries are free.

I realized today why I keep these things-

• When I see the scarf I knitted but never wear because I’m just not a scarf person- I’m reminded of the summer course on teaching gifted & talented students that I had to take after I was certified. I’m reminded of my friends in that course and how they marveled at how I could listen and knit at the same time. How I’ve lost touch with them despite the joys of Facebook, and how I wonder if they’re still teaching.
• When I see the book Sister Carrie by Theodore Dreiser- I’m reminded of my friend who recommended it to me. I’m reminded of how when we rented an apartment together and when I finished that book, how I threw it across the room and how she sympathized with my feelings about that book. I still hate it, but I’ve carried it with me.
• When I see the book A People’s History of the United States by Howard Zinn- I’m reminded of the first AP US History class I taught and how getting them to discuss things was like putting a cat in a bathtub, but eventually they started talking and I couldn’t shut them up. I’m reminded of the great times we had together and how I hold those memories so dearly in my heart.
• When I see the black formal dress with the beaded flowers- I’m reminded of how I wore it on my honeymoon in 1999 and how I wore it again in 2010 at the last prom I went to when I was teaching in the classroom. And how in between I had 2 kids, moved to a different state, went back to school, changed careers, gained and lost 50 pounds, and lived to tell about it.

And I have to remind myself that if I give these things away, I’m not giving away the memories that go with them.

But sometimes, it’s hard to remember that. And I keep them for just one more move.

This is 40

Today is my birthday. Today I am 40.

This is 40: I have grey hair and blue hair and it’s not cut short. It’s often kind of wild looking. I have a nose ring. I have crow’s feet around my eyes. I wear a lot of eyeliner.

Everything except the crow’s feet is intentional. And those I have stopped caring about.

I have realized that in the past year, I have stopped caring what others think of me. I have started caring what I think of me.

This is 40:

In the past 5 years, I’ve started caring about fitness. Last week someone said, “Fitness is the new mid-life crisis.” And I thought, “fine by me.” It could be worse. I can carry my 12 year old on my back- he weighs more than 100 pounds. And I can squat him. More than 10 times, but by the 10th rep he gets bored and jumps off.

I am more fit today than I was at 20.

This morning, I was lying in bed, thinking of exactly that. But also thinking about how my stomach is smaller, but less attractive. It shows the scars of two difficult pregnancies and major weight gain and loss. I have wanted a tummy tuck for a few years now. I thought about how it’s time to start saving for one in earnest.

And then I thought about a trip I could take with the $7,000 + I would spend on my body. I thought about how I’ve wanted to see India, China, and Mexico. I thought about how since I’ve both re-learned how to ski and become so much more comfortable with it that it would be amazing to take a ski trip in Europe.

I thought about how my husband of 15 years has loved me at size 20 and how he loves me at size 10.

I thought about what kind of lesson plastic surgery teaches my 2 boys about how women should look and act.

I wear yoga pants and look in the mirror and for the first time in my life I think, “my butt looks good.” I wear sleeveless shirts and flex to admire my muscles. I look down when I’m working out and admire the way that my muscles clearly go in at my knees and grow larger in my thighs and calves.

I have started moving through the world taking up the space I am entitled to by simply being a human. I am here. I refuse to become smaller because it’s what you think I should do. I am stronger. My shoulders are bigger. I take up space.

I have always wanted blue hair. Now I have it. I have gotten tired of endlessly coloring my roots. So I’m letting them grow out. I got the nose ring at 35- but in the past year I stopped wearing tiny demure studs and started wearing a beautiful moonstone. I love eyeliner. I rarely leave the house without it. Not because I care about what you think, but I love the way it looks. I wear blue nail polish because I love it.

I don’t believe it will all go down hill from here. I have spent my whole life becoming me. I will continue to become as much me as I can handle.

Today, I am 40. And I am free.

Normally when I write it’s because I was inspired by something someone else wrote. Today, it’s here: https://medium.com/@shannonbarber/i-know-the-rules-i-just-don-t-care-ac83f4ebca49

Snow Day Workout!

Sometimes, it snows. When it snows, my gym closes. Sissies.

Anyway, that means I workout at home. I never feel like I get a really good workout at home, so yesterday I sat down and wrote out a detailed workout. The faster you go, the more difficult this is, but it’s not intended as a full cardio workout. It’s intended as strength training with limited weights, so you should do a lot of reps and you’re going to feel tired. GOOD.

I have 5, 8, and 12 lb. weights. You don’t have to have those, just use whatever works best for you.

You’re not going to look like this.

All the moves can be found on YouTube or bodybuilding.com if you don’t understand my terminology.

Steps – 1 set to warm up

• Sprint – run every step
• High Knees facing right
• high knees facing left
• Step hops- hop up and down bottom step- 20 reps both feet
• Deep lunges- 2 or more steps at a time

If you don’t have steps, do this stuff right where you are.

For the rest of the workout, do everything for 15 reps unless it’s otherwise noted- or if there is a single arm/single leg, 30 total reps (15 per side)

Set 1:

1. YTWL- 5 reps of each with weight
2. 1 leg Romanian Deadlift with row
3. Front Squats- 15 reps
4. Neutral grip floor press
5. Reverse flys- elbows slightly bent/lead with elbows
6. Renegade Rows

Stairs again:

• Sprint
• High knees left
• High knees right
• Step hops
• Deep lunges

Set 2:

1. Hang clean & press
2. Bulgarian split squat or static lunge
3. Alternating arm bench/floor press
4. Upright row
5. Overhead side bend- hold weight in both hands directly overhead- lean side to side without bending at the waist

Set 3:

1. Single arm dumbbell snatch & press
2. Side lunge
3. DB pullover – lay on ground, arms flat but overhead- raise weight to perpendicular with ground
4. Alternating shoulder press
5. Russian twist

Stairs again:

• Sprint twice
• long lunges twice

Set 4:

1. DB swing
2. Side lunge
3. Bend over DB raise – back almost parallel, keep arms straight
4. Biceps curls
5. Windmills

Set 5:

1. High Pull
2. Step ups
3. Single arm row
4. Skull crushers
5. Full body wood chop

Set 6:

1. Oblique push ups – my new favorites! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-xQENjUvm1I
2. Slow mountain climbers- extended plank position, pull leg in for 3 sec, alternate legs
3. Jump squats- AMRAP- literally, until you can’t pick your feet off the floor anymore or 60 seconds, whichever comes first.

Finish with some foam rolling and walk back and forth a little bit to cool down.

10 Ways You Can Help Your Community in 10 Minutes or Less for $10 or Less

As long as I can remember having a conscience, I can remember caring about 2 things:

1. Equal rights
2. Education

They’re kind of tied together, you know?

The schools in your community need your help. I would bet that you drive past one on your way to work, shopping, the gym, whatever. Next time you drive by, if you don’t remember the name of that school, take note of it. You’re going to need it for what comes next.

Here are 10 things you can do for that school. That school is one of the building blocks of your community. It’s important. The better the kids do in school, the better your community is. That is a fact, my friends. You can do the following 10 things in 10 minutes or less. 

1. The next time you are in a store, buy a pack of pencils, paper, markers, whatever. The next time you pass that school, drop that thing or things off in the office. You can literally park in front of the school, run in, leave. 2 minutes. Maybe. If it’s a high school, tell them it’s for a government teacher. Or English teacher. Or English as a second language teacher. Or whichever teacher you want. If it’s an elementary school, tell them its for a 3rd grade teacher. Or whichever grade you liked the best. Put a note with it saying it’s from someone that supports their work.

   

   Do you know how much it delights teachers to get new supplies mid year? Kids have killed their back to school supplies and teachers are buying out of their own pockets at this point.

2. In a store again? Pick up a box or two of granola bars. Drop them at the office. Tell them it’s for kids who need them. Trust me, they know who those kids are.
3. Noticing that it’s winter and you have a ton of hats that you have gotten as giveaways? Maybe your friend is learning how to knit and you now have 18 scarves. Pick 2-3 out and take them to the school. Again, tell them it’s for kids who need them.
4. Drop by the school and ask them if they’re having a fundraiser. Buy something.
5. Drop by the school and give the PTA $10. The PTA often buys most of the things that the “extra” classes need- art supplies, gym equipment, music equipment.
6. At a book store? Buy a book. If you had a favorite as a kid, buy that one. Books are timeless. And if the school already has it, a lot of times schools use books as rewards for things like good attendance and good behavior.
7. Find out if your place of employment can donate something. Super relevant if you work at a place that has food on offer because schools often need to lure parents to events with food. Especially low-income parents. Maybe your place of employment keeps tickets to a local sports team – see if you can get a pair to donate to the school for an auction.
8. Check to see if the school has an auction. Donate something.
9. Cut those stupid box tops from things. You don’t have to do anything special with them, just drop them off at the office when you collect some. Every school collects these and they’re worth $0.10 each. 
10. Free, but more time consuming than 10 minutes. Sorry. If you have a schedule that allows it, ask if you can volunteer. Maybe you don’t have to work until 9. Could you help direct traffic in the parking lot once a week? Maybe you get out of work at 2. Direct traffic after school. Maybe your work gives you paid volunteer time off? See if you can do something in the library. Or maybe help in the lunchroom. Maybe working with kids isn’t your jam, and that’s cool, because it totally isn’t for everyone- ask if there’s something you can repair. I promise you, everyone at that school is overworked. If you can give a professional staff member the tiniest break, that’s more time and energy they have for kids.

Why I Didn’t Watch the State of the Union

A week ago, the President gave the State of the Union address. Just as he has nearly every year since George Washington delivered the first one in 1790.

I did not watch it.

Nor did I watch it last year.

Both years, I worked during the SOTU. My husband recorded it for me, but I deleted it shortly after. The main sound bites and scandal can be picked up via the internet in a matter of minutes.

But working is not the reason I did not watch it. I used to watch it religiously. I used to cheer, and boo, and shout things at the television. I have taught government and U.S. history. I love the workings of the government. But.

I did not watch the State of the Union this year.

I don’t believe in America anymore.

I’m not talking about America, the geographic location, or America, the political entity. I could choose not to believe in those but they still exist, just as I could choose not to believe in gravity, but I’m still stuck on earth.

I’m talking about America. America the Beautiful. I’m Proud to be an American. America, America, God shed his grace on thee.

America: 50 states, one country? I don’t believe in it anymore.

According to an intense, broad-reaching, HUGE poll done by the Pew Research Center in early 2014, Americans are more polarized than ever before.

It finds that Republicans and Democrats are further apart ideologically than at any point in recent history. Growing numbers of Republicans and Democrats express highly negative views of the opposing party. And to a considerable degree, polarization is reflected in the personal lives and lifestyles of those on both the right and left.
-- Pew Research Center, http://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2014/06/12/7-things-to-know-about-polarization-in-america/

I’m a threat to the nation’s well-being. You probably are, too.

Are you surprised by this? I’m not. There are people on the other side who I do believe are a threat to the nation’s well-being.

This has been bothering me for a week. I’ve been fighting with it, wrestling with it, like Jacob wrestled the Angel of the Lord (a little Bible reference for those of you keeping track).

So anyway, back to those threats. I don’t know Sarah Palin, John Boehner, or Pat Robertson. I don’t know the Koch brothers or Scott Walker. I think all of them, in their own way, are threats.

I do know other people who identify as Republican- people I won’t name- because they are my friends. I do not believe they are a threat to the nation’s well-being. In fact, thinking specifically about those people, I can name for each individual a way that they directly contribute to their community. They are teachers, fire fighters, EMTs, police officers, doctors, dentists, and a host of other occupations…. they are important. They matter to me, they matter to the community they live in.

I don’t believe in the America where millions march on the National Mall for their cause.

I believe in the community that helps the homeless by providing shelter in their churches through Open Doors.

I believe in the community that provides before and after school care for children from primarily Spanish speaking households where their parents aren’t able to be there before school because of their jobs at Second Home.

I believe in the community that has a house based on sustainability that provides shelter for a refugee family and also has volunteers who serve to educate the community on living sustainably at New Community Project.

I believe in the community that provides a loving and warm place that provides services to help heal and grow those who are not whole in the community for anyone who wants it at Our Community Place.

I believe in the community. Open Doors, Second Home, Our Community Place, and New Community project are all part of the community I live in.

 If we can return America to a nation of strong, loving communities, I can believe in America again. But right now, all I see is division and hate.